Pulchritudinous Opus

pulchritudinous opus = beautiful works of art

I had named this blog so that I could share what I personally considered beautiful works of art. The art of writing, the art of photography, and any other thing of beauty that caught my eye.

Instead I've been posting about other things. Things I had never intended to share with anyone.

My mother died in July 2010. I won't sugarcoat it, it was an awful experience that included having the paramedics bash in her door with a sledge hammer. This is a time when having a photographic memory is not a blessing. That horrible day plays in my head like a movie put on a loop.



I spent a lot of time with my sister. We turned to each other, leaned on each other, as we should have. We drank wine and told funny stories about our mom while cleaning out her house. It was very therapeutic. Then the time came for life to go on. My sister turned to her church and her faith for support. I would listen to her talk and was jealous that she garnered so much comfort from this, from something I never had.

Our mother was very neutral about religion. We never prayed and only went to church, maybe a handful of times.  My sister is 14 years older than me, so I'm not sure how it was for her, but when it was just my mom and I, we talked and read about all sorts of religions. We discussed reincarnation at great length, we checked out books from the library on Buddhism, Catholicism, Judaism,  Paganism, and Wicca. Which I now find comical because while we were reading those books, my sister was grown, living on her own and had joined a Southern Baptist church.

So anyways, my sister had her faith and I had nothing like that to turn to. Remembering the conversations I used to have with my mom, I hit the used bookstore and got books on other religions, because I already knew that the Christian way was not for me. I didn't feel it in my heart.

I have spent the majority of my time learning about the Pagan/Wiccan (not to insinuate they are one and the same) ways. While I still don't feel that I can identify with any religion at this place and time, I have enjoyed learning and I plan to continue to learn about this path. After this, maybe I'll try another path, maybe not. The best part? I'm bringing you along for the ride.